CURRENTLY SEEKING:
An Executive Director who can tell the difference between this…
… and this:
When it comes to Richmond’s own “Bridge to Nowhere,” Save Richmond has earned the right many times over to say it.
We told you so.
Amy Biegelsen’s update on the CenterStage boondoggle in the latest Style Weekly should be a sobering wake up call to all arts center apologists and enablers who think that the Titanic has finally up-ended itself and is smoothly sailing along. Emphasis mine:
The [Centerstage] foundation’s fundraising efforts are critical to local arts groups that hope the money will offset rental costs for those performing in the city-owned facility that’s been financed, in part, by a $25 million investment from the city and millions more in state and federal tax credits.
It’s unclear what donations will total for the fiscal year ending in June, but the foundation raised $2 million in private money in fiscal 2008 compared with nearly $20 million in 2007.
Read that last part again, and then consider this: When private donations are down, that means more public money must be introduced to offset the difference.
And City Council, in all of its wisdom, recently took away all of the safeguards and protections that would have forbidden the Foundation from asking for more public money. Because that’s just the kind of thing city politicians do for their richest friends.
Um, anyone over in Shockoe taking any notes on this? This arts center thing was originally supposed to be “privately financed” too, with only a little “seed money” from taxpayers (and here’s a fun fact that will make you scratch your head: The foundation’s plan has never been submitted to a single independent feasibility study during any of its many incarnations).
But don’t think for a moment that anyone associated with the project is panicking or getting a sense of urgency or anything. Quite the contrary:
Next week the CenterStage Foundation, the facility’s nonprofit fundraising arm, hits the one-year mark for running without an executive director.
“We’ve begun the process and hope to have that person on board before the end of September,” says Jay Smith, a spokesman for CenterStage. He says the foundation is not yet actively hiring because its members haven’t settled on “the skill set, expertise and experience that we want this person to have.”
Well, we sure know the “skill set” that they’ve employed up until now.
Any CenterStage Executive Director job listing would have to look something like…
FULL TIME EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR WANTED
The CenterStage Foundation is seeking a full-time Executive Director of its long-running, publicly-funded boondoggle. This person will be responsible for leading and directing staff in the attainment of excuses toward not meeting stated fundraising goals, and will spearhead efforts to find the lost “reams of evidence” that support the economic viability of the project (we think they fell behind the filing cabinet). Experience in highly creative accounting practices is a must. In addition, the director will train, develop, motivate and evaluate a team of fundraisers to put the squeeze on public officials (in the city of Richmond only, counties are strictly optional) in order to receive unlimited public funding for the next 99 years with little or no taxpayer oversight.
The successful candidate must have the unique ability to ghost-write reports for local politicians and then, somehow, to wait on pins and needles to see what those reports have determined. The successful candidate will be asked to produce and present magical marketing presentations that can turn $1 million bank balances into $68.8 million fundraising miracles. The successful candidate must be willing to pay outside consultants large sums of money to come up with recycled and shopworn ideas culled from neighboring cities. This chosen director must also be ready to award no-bid contracts to out-of-town management firms with little or no experience in running top-notch performing arts centers.
Excellent verbal and written communication skills are required — the ability to utilize words like “Fun” and “Wow” are a must. Are you able to churn out catchy catchphrases like “Smokescreen of Semanics”? Can you, with a straight face, blame private fundraising shortfalls on external factors such as a.) The previous economy b.) Summertime c.) “Irresponsible bloggers” and/or d.) The current economy? Well, if so, you may be the Executive Director For us (If, in the past, you have assisted in the dismantling of long-running area arts institutions, this would also be a big plus).
A corporate pedigree with absolutely NO practical or creative experience in the performing arts is required.
Salary: Candidate must be willing to make do with either $175K a year, or $275K a year, plus benefits, depending on which news service is asking the questions (salmon polo shirts are optional). You must also be willing to say, with a straight face, that your salary does not come from public money and then feign surprise when it is discovered that it does.
If you take the job and don’t like it after a few months, feel free to quit and become one of our many highly-paid consultants!
Interested candidates with the proper “skill set, expertise and experience” should take their cover letter, resume and salary requirements and burn them. They should then dig a hole and put their burned material in the hole. Candidates should then bury their burned material and go immediately over to the National and catch the great Neko Case on April 6.
Seriously, VAPAF’ers — take your sweet time hiring just that “right” person.
After years of broken promises, $21 million down the tubes, and private fundraising currently down to its previous dismal levels of achievement, I can’t think of a single reason why instilling public confidence, and installing accountable leadership, should be a high priority for you right now.
No, wait… I can think of two million reasons why.
