You say you know that Richmond is absolutely bonkers, run by people who might actually be off their nut… but can you be completely certain?
Time to take the test. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking to you — the guy with the bloodshot eyes, sniffly nose and chattering teeth. Are you READY to take the “EZ 2 LOVE YOUR CRAZY AS #@%&* CITY” Quiz and get knowledged by such things as Unity councils, mayoral diatribes that could also serve as gangster movie dialogue and constrictive city budgets that still somehow leave room for 19% pay raises and escalating public relations costs? Yes, I’m talking to you (here’s a tissue) — and, no, that’s not just Nyquil playing tricks on you, this is actually THE LOONEY-TUNES PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE!!!
What was that? You say, you’ve already rented a moving van — not paid for by fellow taxpayers, alas — to get out of this #@%&* City??!! All the more reason to take the “EZ 2 LOVE YOUR CRAZY AS #@%&* CITY” Quiz and to take it right now!! All you have to lose is more of your dignity…
1. Mayor L. Douglas Wilder recently unveiled his city budget, announcing that “money is tight.” The mayor proclaimed that “Those who want to act as if the city coffers are full and growth is robust or will rebound quickly are deluding both themselves and the residents of Richmond.” Which of the following is an example of our fiscally-responsible Mayor’s belt-tightening?
A. He budgeted a 30 percent increase for his press secretary’s office
B. He gave a 19% pay raise to his Chief Financial Officer, which means that the CFO now makes more than the state’s Secretary of Finance
C. He awarded a $170,000 salary for his Chief Administrative Officer, who has been on the job only six months and makes 28% more than her predecessor.
D. He gave all other City Hall employees a 2 percent pay raise.
E. He budgeted a 20 percent pay increase for the Police Chief, who now makes more than the Superintendent of the Virginia State Police.
F. His budget left necessary programs unfunded, such as mental health programs for the city jail.
G. He proposed a new utility charge for rainstorm runoffs.
H. He proposed a whopping 0.6% increase in funding for city schools.
I. He implemented very few of the City Auditor’s suggestions for lowering the city’s high administrative costs.
J. The Mayor did all of those things.
2. Members of City Council have recommended cutting the real estate tax rate by three cents. Mayor Wilder is against this and calls it an disingenuous election year trick. But the Mayor’s recent approval of a 28% increase in top Richmond administrative salaries for his staff is approximately equal to how much of the city’s real estate tax rate?
A. a quarter of a penny
B. a half of a penny
C. 3/4 of a penny
D. A whole penny
3. From the following, please pick a highly-charged statement that a city council member has NOT recently leveled at Mayor L. Douglas Wilder or a member of the Mayor’s team.
A. Councilperson Bill Pantele accused the Mayor’s office of money laundering… then retracted the statement.
B. Councilperson Ellen Robertson called the city’s CAO “a criminal”… then apologized and said that she had made the charge in error four times.
C. Councilperson Chris Hilbert threatened to subpoena members of the Mayor’s staff to find out who instructed budget officials to transfer $500,000 to pay for the failed move of Richmond schools… then didn’t.
D. Councilperson Marty Jewell stated that it was he — and not Reva Trammell or Douglas Conner — who was the Mayor’s biggest and most shameful bootlicker on Richmond City Council… then he retracted his comments and said it might be Conner after all.
4. One of the following statements was taken from a recent L. Douglas Wilder press conference where the Mayor lambasted city councilwoman Ellen Robertson for her comments concerning the city’s CAO. The other three statements are taken from the dialogue of the Quentin Tarantino movie, Pulp Fiction. Which are Wilder’s words?
A. “I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”
B. “I don’t believe in pulling out a pistol to tell you I’m going to shoot you. I believe differently. I believe in shooting you if that’s going to have to be the case. I don’t have to pull it out and show it to you.”
C. “Mr. 9mm here, he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous a** in the valley of darkness.”
D. “Nobody kills anyone in my store except me and Zed.” [Doorbell rings] “That’s Zed.”
5. Chief Financial Officer Harry “Zed” Black is receiving a 19% payraise from the Mayor for his outstanding performance on the job this past year. From the following, please pick one that is an actual Harry Black achievement from the past year.
A. He informed City Council employees that they would have to reapply for their jobs or be terminated.
B. He withheld approved funding to Richmond schools, an action that the City Auditor lambasted as being inappropriate.
C. Richmond City Council rejected his nomination as Chief Administrative Officer.
D. He issued two no-bid contracts to a Washington D.C.-based accounting firm to conduct outside audits of the Richmond school system and the assessor’s office… All without council’s permission.
E. He fired the legislative services director when he had no authority to do so.
F. He was the one who ordered the Richmond police force to initiate what became infamously known as “Fiasco Friday.”
G. He pushed the multi-million dollar CenterStage project through on fictitious “sub-contractor” issues, and without the benefit of an economic study, and then later claimed that the city money funding the venture should not be counted as an administrative expense.
H. All of these are Harry Black achievements.
6. L. Douglas Wilder’s former adviser Paul Goldman recently announced that he will run for Mayor against his former boss. Of the following, which is NOT a stated plank in the Goldman For Mayor platform?
A. Mayor Goldman would form a “Unity Council” to advise him. This inclusive mix of residents would include citizen representatives, members of the “business community,” neighborhood association reps, the head of the Richmond PTA and others.
B. Mayor Goldman would begin taking steps to turn Richmond into a place that champions green technology and modern health sciences, encourages and includes those in the professional and creative arts, and works on job creation.
C. Mayor Goldman would cut the city’s bureaucratic red tape by identifying millions in bloated upper-administrative costs and eliminating them.
D. Mayor Goldman would make a semi-annual report to the City that would report on the accountability of his administration.
E. Mayor Goldman would make the construction of a new, rad skateboard park a priority — and a regionally-financed priority at that.
F. Mayor Goldman would hold all of his press conferences in front of Ellwood Thompson’s Natural Foods Market.
7. Norfolk’s elected officials are currently debating whether or not to change to a “strong mayor” system of government like Richmond’s. Which of the following is an actual statement about the “strong mayor” form of government from a Norfolk City official?
A. Norfolk Councilman W. Randy Wright excitedly pointed to Richmond’s example and the $100,000 cost of “Fiasco Friday” and said, “We want some of that. We haven’t bilked our local taxpayers enough for petty internal squabbling.”
B. Norfolk Mayor Paul Fraim enthusiastically pointed to Richmond’s example and stated “I’d love to get sued by everyone and then make insensitive statements in public about shooting my political enemies, that’s kind of my dream.”
C. Norfolk Councilman Don Williams warily pointed to Richmond’s example and said, “You could get someone who is charismatic and has no idea how to manage things” — meaning Richmond’s current leadership.
D. Norfolk Vice-Mayor Anthony Burfoot drooled as he pointed to Richmond’s example and stated that he looked forward to his future 19% pay raise.
8. Last year, a group of connected business leaders known as “The Gang of 26″ wrote a letter proposing that Richmond’s public schools were so fraught with administrative waste that they believed that school board members should be chosen by the Mayor and the business community rather than be Democratically elected.
So what has been the “Gang of 26’s” reaction to the excessive pay raises for L. Douglas Wilder’s staff and other embarrassing revelations concerning the high administrative costs of City Hall, which come at a time when corporate America is limiting its own payraises and implementing new hiring freezes?
A. Utter, inexplicable silence.
9. Richmond’s school board recently voted for a new public school budget that many critics hoped would address longtime charges that the school administration is top-heavy with administrative waste. School officials argue that their budget has been effectively “frozen” the past three years. Which of the following is a true fact about the new schools budget?
A. The budget includes more money for magazines for teachers and administrators than it does for new books for some elementary school libraries.
B. Despite a large transportation component — which has been shown to be bloated and rife with corrupt practices — the schools budget continues to charge families more than any of the surrounding localities for driver’s education classes.
C. The budget fails to implement most of the City Auditor’s recommendations for saving money through consolidating duplicate services.
D. School board members decided against filling 20 middle and high school teacher openings in the budget.
E. The budget assumes that the school system will not have to pay the Virginia Retirement System $1.9 million — and it is not clear if that is a valid assumption.
F. The budget does little or nothing to address Richmond Public School’s high administrative overhead, a constant criticism of Mayor L. Douglas Wilder.
G. All of these are budgetary priorities in the current schools budget.
10. The President of the Richmond Council of PTAs recently objected to the school system’s “open enrollment” policy, which enables parents to send their kids to schools outside of their district zones. President Tichi Pinkney-Eppes was quoted as saying that the program was “a farce” with a process that was being unfairly circumvented by white parents, which helped in creating separate but unequal city schools. What happened next?
A. The school administration agreed with her and proposed a fairer, more equitable way of open enrollment.
B. “The Gang of 26″ immediately wrote a letter that said whatever the Mayor wanted them to say.
C. Pinkney-Eppes began using an unfortunate “pistol” analogy to explain her position further.
D. Pinkney-Eppes was forced to resign from her day job at the non-profit “Communities in Schools” organization, and blamed school administration officials for pressuring her bosses to keep her quiet.
Answers:
1. J 2. D 3. D 4. B 5. H. 6. F 7. C 8. A 9. G 10. D
